Menopausal musings

Menopause is like puberty -only worse.

The symptoms are alarmingly similar :

  •  you feel like you hate everyone;
  • you feel like being alone one minute and then ignored next;
  • you bleed at unexpected times
  • you feel hot
  • you feel cold

All this as a teenager is fine because you have long suffering parents to wither the storm. They will simply look to the heavens and tell themselves they voluntarily, without any arm twisting, signed up for you.

Things are a bit different on the other side of the moon.

  • You can’t tell your kids you hate them. At least you can, but not without possibly causing long term damage (for which they will blame you forever) that will colour all their relationships from here on. Now you could argue, and quite convincingly, that is kind of not your problem. But I wonder if it is a price worth paying for having a Billy-no-mates still at your doorstep at 35.
  • You can’t yell at your husband. It’s no good, can’t be done. Over any marriage /relationship which has lasted long enough, men become expert at dodging the bullet. At the sight of a wife with raging hormones, to quickly duck and bolt themselves in a study is with any experienced husband the work of a moment. Then there is The Office Meeting.  Every time I try having a fight with my husband, he suddenly remembers week long conferences he needs to attend. In Finland. Have you ever attempted a fight on Skype?  ‘I said I hate you!!’ ‘What did you say dear the line is lagging.’ ‘I Hate you!!’ ‘That’s great – I’m just about to go to dinner myself.’
  • You can’t yell at your parents because with typical inconsiderateness so many of them are dead or live awfully far away. My mother has put God’s good seven oceans between me and her. I would have to shout really loudly to get myself heard.

Seriously being a woman is one damn thing after another. By the way the doctor tells me this could go on for another ten years – why don’t I just kill myself now?

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